remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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