I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
