Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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