worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
