I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I deserve this hangover.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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