that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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