Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You took a bar mat shot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
