Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
