The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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