You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
