How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
