I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize