Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
