I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
