you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
