I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
