We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What drink are we having for lunch?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
