chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
