just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
