im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
