found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
