This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
