we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
