I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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