I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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