just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
