Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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