i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this will be a night to untag.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
