I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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