The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
