Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
