he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
