if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize