I wish I could punch you in the face.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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