Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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