the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
