put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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