I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
