david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
