I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
