Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
