he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
