I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
