She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
