Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
