oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
