dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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