I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize