I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
