I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
