pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
