Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
