I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
