five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
