she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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