Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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