I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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