We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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