I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I die, sorry about rent.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
