"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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