May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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