I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
