curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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