Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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