So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
