I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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