And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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