it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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