Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize