Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
