i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
