wrigley field is MILF paradise
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sext me about skeletons
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
