Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Randomize
