just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
