just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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