Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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