"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
