I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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