Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
