I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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