a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
