And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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