You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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