I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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