finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
