i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize