girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
