office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
